Q&A: Sex

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SEX: All manner of questions relating to sexual intercourse

FREQUENTLY ASKED: Sex and bleeding:

Question: I had sex with my boyfriend and I bled the first time...which is normal correct? But, since then every time we have sex I still bleed...is that normal?

It is not recommended to cause bleeding with any sexual activity. The only time bleeding can be expected is if you engage in sexual activity during a woman's period. If you engage in any kind of sexual activity and it causes bleeding, then you should stop the activity to the extreme where it caused the bleeding. If the bleeding continues after the activity has been stopped, or happens again even though you eased up, or if you have persistent pain from it, please seek medical attention from your provider or family planning immediately.

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SEX - GENERAL QUESTIONS

Anal and vaginal sex

My boyfriend and I had intercourse, and in this intercourse, we had vaginal sex, anal sex, then back to vaginal sex...without washing. While having the oral sex, I experienced immense pain, and I also bled I am scared now, because I think it is quite possible that I have contracted an illness of some sort. What I would like to know is, what happens to the body when anal sex is perform then immediately followed by vaginal sex?

We're guessing that you mean "while having the anal sex" (penis in the anus or butt sex) you had pain and bleeding. We advise folks to make sure they are VERY gentle and use LOTS AND LOTS of lubrication during anal sex because the tissue of the anus is fragile and prone to bleeding and pain when sex is too fast or rough.

We also advise that everyone having anal sex use condoms because unprotected anal sex is a big risk factor for disease transmission. When having anal then vaginal sex, it's particularly important to change condoms when going from the anus to the vagina. The anus contains bacteria that are harmless in the anus, but that can cause a bacterial infection in the vagina. The bacteria have also been linked to urinary tract infections. (It's also important because using a fresh condom makes it less likely that a condom will break!)

If you were having sex without condoms (vaginal OR anal), and you are not your partner's first partner and/or he's not your first partner, then you are at risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It's important that you be checked for STIs as a part of your annual exam or if you or your boyfriend develop any symptoms (itching, increased discharge, bad vaginal odor, discharge from his penis, bumps on your genitals, sores, abdominal pain, or irregular bleeding).

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First time sex, now bleeding

I'm 18 and I had sex for the first time last Saturday, after the first time me and my boyfriend waited for 2 hours and had sex again. The next day it was kind of uncomfortable, and when I used the bathroom, I would bleed, but the pain started to ease away. We had sex again on Thursday, and Friday. And now I am frequently using the bathroom, and bleeding every time I do so.

It would be very important to see a medical provider as soon as possible to evaluate the reason for your symptoms. Onset of sexual intercourse is associated with urinary tract infections (bladder infections) and uterine cervix infections (chlamydia or gonorrhea) which, if left untreated, can make you very sick. Sometimes they require hospitalization. Please get checked and treated as soon as you can. It is also time to talk with a provider about contraception and/or your plans for childbearing.

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UTI, pain

I'm 17 years old and on birth control (the pill). This weekend my boyfriend and I had sex numerous times within a 10 hour span.

As days progressed it started to burn when I peed and I had discomfort. I went to the doctor's and they said I had a UTI. But the pain kept coming, sharp abdominal pains.

So the question came to my head...is there any way I could be pregnant? I've been REALLY stressed out the last few days thinking that could be the case, but am I nuts? I am on birth control but have missed 1-2 pills but ALWAYS remembered to take it the next day.

Also I never have unprotected sex so we did use a condom each time. I'm suppose to start my period this week, on wednesday but am I just freaking myself out?

You are doing a great job using condoms every time. If you were not using condoms I would be concerned about missing as many pills as one or two a month. But, with the condom as back-up you have good protection.

Anytime the thought of pregnancy is overwhelming, it is OK to do a pregnancy test just for peace of mind. Your abdominal pain needs further evaluation, however. There are many"neighbors" in your tummy and they all need to be considered as they may be responsible for the discomfort and shouldn't be ignored. Your bladder, your bowels, your vagina, your uterus, your ovaries, your gallbladder and your muscles are all possible sources of pain. If the pain continues after finishing the medication for a UTI, please go back to the doctor again. Hope you feel better soon.

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Had baby, have infection? Not sexually transmitted!!!

I am a 25 year old female. I just gave birth to a healthy baby boy 2 months ago. During my pregnancy I have noticed much more discharge then normal, while fluidy. The Dr said it was a yeast infection and normal during pregnancy. I took medication, now two months after postpartum he noticed more discharge and it was more liquidy and yellow-greenish.

He says it's an infection I got from my partner, but I don't see how cause during my pregnancy I haven't had intercourse. After 6 weeks I had sex but with a condom. He gave me a antibacterial gel, but after using it now I have more discharge and it's scaring me; what could this be? I doubt an STD, and when I asked my Dr he just said take the medication, you have to, that's it. Help, I am nervous about this.

First, congratulations on your new baby!

Increased discharge during pregnancy is a PERFECTLY NORMAL thing. There’s even a name for it: leucorrhoea. Pregnancy discharge is usually thin, white, sort of milky, and mild smelling, and it’s not associated with any symptoms. Yeast infection discharge is usually white, but thicker—often people will compare it to cottage cheese rather than milk—and it causes itching and redness and sometimes little red bumps.

Sometimes women who take a treatment for yeast infection will then develop BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS or BV. BV is NOT a sexually transmitted infection. It’s really just the bacterial version of a yeast infection. With a yeast infection, the yeast that normally live in the vagina start to overgrow. With bacterial vaginosis, the bacteria that normally live in the vagina get out of control. (Both yeast infections and BV are diagnosed by taking a small sample of discharge and looking at it under a microscope.) Sometimes, when women take medication for yeast, the medication kills off the yeast but then bacteria start growing like crazy and the woman ends up with BV. Sounds as if this may have happened to you!

As for the increased discharge that’s been worrying you, this is a normal side effect of using any vaginal medicine. Anytime you use a vaginal cream, you will see more discharge, because you’re adding squirts of the medicated goop to your vagina every day. The discharge is your normal discharge PLUS lots of added cream.

Part of any health care provider’s job is to EXPLAIN CLEARLY AND THOROUGHLY what’s going on and the reason she/he recommends what s/he recommends. Your doctor should have explained more clearly what you have (again, BV IS NOT SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED!), and explained WHY you should use all of the cream. You need to use ALL of the medicine in order to get the bacteria under control. If you really DON’T like the vaginal treatment, your doctor can prescribe a treatment you can take by mouth. If you’re breastfeeding, though, the vaginal treatment is the safest option.

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Should I have sex?

I am dating this guy and we have only been dating for a week and he wants to become sexually active - should I? And if I do what is the safest way to do it? Should I get on birth control?

Your decision to become sexually active needs to be yours and yours only. Pressure from a partner to have sex can be very hard to confront, especially if you really like the guy and don't want to lose him.

Unfortunately, you are not alone, many women and girls want to know how to deal with pressure from their partners to have sex. The important thing to know is that you have the right to say "no", and to set limits that keep you comfortable and in control.

It sounds like you're not sure whether or not you want to become sexually active. Deciding to have sex is a big decision. Some people may want to get to know their partner for a long time so that they feel more confident that they have trust in the relationship.

Talking to your partner about both of your expectations for the relationship can help you find out just what he's thinking. Does he share the same views on what makes a healthy relationship? Does he feel the same way about you as you feel about him?

You may find the answers to these questions helpful in making your decision whether or not to have sex. Also, remember, if you decide to have sex, you always have the right to say "no" in the future, even if you've already had sex with him in the past.

If you do decide to have sex, you will be best protected if you get on a birth control method that's right for you. Go to your local family planning center (in yellow pages of phone book or go to our locations page). And don't forget: Using condoms correctly, every time you have sex, will significantly reduce your risk of contracting an STD and getting pregnant.

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Am I a virgin after anal intercourse?

I have never had sex, but the other night I did have anal intercourse. Am I still a virgin? And if so is it wrong that I've done this first before normal sexual intercourse?

Since you have had anal intercourse, you HAVE had sex. Anal intercourse is sex. There is nothing wrong with anal intercourse before vaginal intercourse. However, if you do both at the same time, never do vaginal intercourse AFTER anal (unless the penis is washed thoroughly) or you could get an infection caused by the bacteria in your rectum.

As to whether you are a virgin - the definition of virginity is often how an individual defines it. Many people define the loss of virginity as vaginal-penis intercourse. Others would define it as any sexual contact. So the definition is personal for most people.

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Does sex cause Cervical Dysplasia?

I was wondering- my boyfriend and I had rough sex and i ended up bleeding a little. Is that what causes dysplasia? If not, what causes it? Is it an STI? I know most women get it.

Also, I need a colposcopy family planning in my area said. I am afraid due to the "horror" stories that it hurts. Is there anything I can do to relax me or not feel anything the day of it?

Cervical Dysplasia is very common and in general it is caused by HPV a virus. To read more about HPV, go to the American Social Health Association's site.

A colposcopy is not painful. Sometimes, if a biopsy is taken, (a little piece of tissue from the cervix), women feel a cramp. We often recommend that women take some Advil before the colposcopy. Advil is a good way to prevent cramps. Talk to your family planning provider about your concerns.

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Bleeding and spotting

I bled for the first time the other day after "normal" sex and I hurt for two days afterwards in my abdomen. I am definitely not pregnant or on my period. Now a week later I am spotting in my urine. Is this a sign of Cervical Cancer or I am just overreacting? And if yes, how accurate are Pap smears? I was tested last week and don't have an STD and I am on Cipro for a Sinus Infection. Thanks for any thoughts-I am stressed out!

The symptoms you describe are of concern. They need to be evaluated by a health care provider. Pap tests are very good at screening for cervical changes, but not for STDs or other infections. I cannot say more without examining you. Please see your family planning center or health care provider immediately.

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Stomach hurts during sex

Every time I have sex, it feels nice in the vaginal area, however, my stomach is in real pain, it aches constantly and the harder we do it the more it hurts. My stomach even hurts when I'm inserting a tampon, why is is doing it and how can I stop it?

Without examining you, I really cannot make a diagnosis. I would recommend that you see your health care provider for an evaluation and tell them exactly what you told me above. If you are having regular sexual intercourse and have not yet had a vaginal examination and pap smear, you also really need to have that done. At the same time, you can address this issue. Please take care of this as soon as possible!

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Bleeding during sex

I do not think that it is fair for some stores to only sell condoms to kids who are 18 and older with an ID. I don't think that's right, and if they don't sell them to us, more kids will have unprotected sex. Me and my boyfriend (we're 14 and have been going out for a year now) have had "sex" except he pushed inside me pretty hard and I started bleeding so we stopped. We used a condom, actually, we doubled up but was that supposed to happen?

Please contact your local family planning to discuss this issue. There is no specific law in Maine prohibiting condoms sales to anyone. However, the best place to get condoms is your local family planning center-not only will they provide you with some, they are much less expensive.

Additionally, if you are sexually active, you must have an examination and your family planning center will do this for you and also discuss any questions you may have, including your bleeding question. Bleeding during sex is not normal if it is not your first time. Please contact them immediately to be evaluated.

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Teen Sex

had heard that having sex while a teenager is not good because it can cause problems and teens are not developed yet on the insides for sex, and I had heard that teens having babies is not good either because the insides are not developed yet like an adult in their 20s. I was wondering if this is true?

Young women (teens) who begin vaginal intercourse early are at risk for increased exposure to sexually transmitted infections. These infections--chlamydia, HIV, and the HPV wart virus can have long term effects on your health. Pregnancy for teens is often high risk because of the increase risk of premature births, and teens have a higher risk of having small babies. Please contact your health care provider or local family planning clinic for more information.

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Do you have to have an orgasm to lose your virginity?

Me and my girlfriend recently had sex for the first time. But I didn't get orgasm, and neither did she! So are we both still virgins or have we lost it?

The standard definition of virginal is, "one that has not had penis/vaginal intercourse." Whether or not either partner has an orgasm is not part of the definition. So the answer to your question is, yes, you have both lost your virginity. Please make sure you use a reliable method of birth control if you do not wish to become pregnant. Also, since you are now sexually active, it is time for yearly exams for both of you to maintain good reproductive health. Please take care of yourselves.

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Hymen

Does every girl have a "cherry" that can be popped during intercourse?

The female part to which you refer is more accurately referred to as the hymen ("cherry" is considered a crude term) and no, not everybody has one.

This is a thin tissue membrane that covers the opening of the vagina. There are usually perforations in it that allow menstrual flow to pass from the body. The hymen usually stretches across some, but usually not all of the vaginal opening, and varies in shape, size, and thickness.

Health care providers cannot usually tell if women are virgins by conducting a pelvic examination. Contrary to popular belief, whether or not a woman's hymen is intact is not an accurate indication of whether or not she's had sex. Many things can cause a broken or stretched hymen such as exercises or by inserting fingers or objects in the vagina (including tampons). Some women are born with only a partial hymen or none at all. Sex does not always break the hymen. Sometimes it just stretches it.

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Can you?

If you are fooling around with someone and he doesn't let go in you totally and three days later you get your normal period, is it safe to assume that (STD and AIDS aside), you don't have to worry about pregnancy?

Yes, it's safe to assume you aren't pregnant. However, to be completely sure and not torture yourself with these types of situations, please visit your local family planning center and start using birth control. Or, use condoms every time you are intimate, even if you don't "plan" to have sex. Even if the man doesn't ejaculate, there is still a small chance of pregnancy because of the pre-ejaculate. Please be safe!

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Unprotected sex

I have recently had sex unprotected. At first I was hesitant, but my partner assured me that there was no chance of me getting pregnant so I went ahead and did it. Right after he told me to go to the bathroom, but there was a bit of a delay in that so it didn't happen. What are the chances of me being possibly pregnant? I had my period about 2 weeks ago and I can't wait until my next one to find out. Thank you for any and all information.

Unprotected sex at in the middle of your cycle is the most likely time for a pregnancy to occur. My advice is to get a pregnancy test 10 days after the unprotected sex. That is the soonest you can get a test that is accurate.

Secondly, don't ever, ever fall for that line again! You CAN (and many DO) get pregnant the first time, there is no really safe time. Going to the bathroom afterwards does absolutely nothing to prevent pregnancy. Nor does taking a hot bath, douching, or anything else that isn't approved by your doctor or family planning nurse! Two things prevent pregnancy: Abstinence and reliable contraception.

You should think about your decision to have sex: Is it the best time in your life for this? Are you making the decision based on whether you want to have sex or whether your partner does? If you are bending to your partner's will then you should rethink your decision. There is a lot of emotional responsibility and maturity that goes along with the decision to have sex.

If you plan to keep having sex, you should go to your nearest family planning clinic ASAP, have an exam, pregnancy test, and get some reliable birth control. In the meantime: no condom, no sex!

Take care of you!

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Lubes

Will a water based lube be pleasurable and safe for the female?

Yes, water-based lubes are preferable.

Water-based lubrication is designed to enhance the pleasure and comfort of vaginal, anal, and oral intercourse. Women sometimes have "vaginal dryness" which can make intercourse uncomfortable and even painful. In addition to making sure that a woman's body is ready for intercourse (by not rushing through foreplay, which will help her vagina lubricate naturally), lube can help make intercourse more comfortable and enjoyable.

There are many different lubes out there, and you may want to try more than one to find your favorite. And of course, you should only use lubrication that specifically says on the packaging that it is meant to be used for intercourse! Good luck!

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Under age sex

Hi I would like to ask you if an under age teen goes to the doctor to ask about getting on 'the pill' can she be told no?, Or, does the doctor HAVE to give the teenager information, can they try and talk you out of it by telling you about diseases and such?

Since our organization is in Maine, we know that Maine Law says that health care providers may give teens information, exams, and prescriptions for birth control methods without parental involvement or parental consent. I am not sure what you mean by underage. Assuming you may mean very young like 14 or 15, Maine Law does state that it is illegal for teens under 14 to have sex with anyone (even if the other person is also under 14). If you don't live in Maine, you need to find out what the laws are where you live.

A medical provider needs to provide you with the services you are seeking, like an exam and a prescription for the pill, (except of course if you have medical reasons why you couldn't be on the pill or another prescription medication). At Family Planning, we provide our clients with non-biased, nonjudgmental, quality medical care that is based on what the client is seeking. Teen clients are encouraged to talk with their parents about their health care needs and activities. However, we recognize that in some relationships or families, this is not always possible and may, in fact, prevent a teen from seeking needed care.

Please contact your local family planning center for more information.

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Heavy petting

Hi! My boyfriend and I have decided to abstain from sex. However, we do engage in petting sometimes (with both of us FULLY CLOTHED as in pants and underwear or some things like that ...one of us is usually always wearing jeans). We don't even really have "dry sex" but I do feel that both of us do get aroused due to the petting and kissing but there had never been ejaculation. I was wondering if what we are doing is safe?

This is a very safe activity for you and your boyfriend to engage in if you don't want to put yourself at risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Good for the both of you in deciding on your limits and talking about it ahead of time! You're much more likely to remain abstinent if you are both clear on what you will and won't do together. Of course, kissing will increase your chances of sharing infections, including oral herpes or even the common cold, but you're still at much lower risk than if you were engaging in activities that shared other bodily fluids like semen and vaginal fluids. Stay safe!

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Need to be safer with sex

I recently have engaged in sexual intercourse and we haven't always been as cautious about practicing safe sex, and I definitely think it's time. I'm 15 turning 16 and I wanna start practicing safe sex, but I've been too embarrassed to buy condoms myself at the store...what do I do?

My girlfriend recently went to family planning and just started birth control, now I want to do my part, but I feel like if I ask my mother to get me condoms that she'll be more worried and more apt to do it. My parents are well aware of our activity, I did the grown up thing and told them and everything...it was very hard for us. We both lost our virginities to each other. So basically I wanna know how I can get condoms where I'm more comfortable without making it public.

For all of us moving into new responsibilities takes some time and practice. New things in our life, like purchasing condoms, are often uncomfortable in the beginning, but get easier with practice and support. It's great that your mom is willing support you, and one option would be to have her make the purchase of condoms for you. But you may want to move into purchasing supplies on your own. You should know that there is no age requirement to purchase condoms. And there are several potential sources for you if you want to buy your own condoms.

Most pharmacies, convenience stores, supermarkets, and some department stores sell condoms. Some young people (and some older people too) feel uncomfortable using these sources for buying condoms.

Sometimes schools make condoms available in dispensing machines in the bathrooms, or through the school health office. Check with the school nurse to find out if your school has this service through its health center. Some teen centers also make condoms available. And local STI Clinics (clinics that provide testing for Sexually Transmitted Infections) have condoms available.

But I think the best place to buy your supplies is any family planning office! There you don't need to be embarrassed at all -- that is why they are there. You will find a supportive staff, a source of information on correct use of condoms, sexually transmitted infections, and reproductive health. Not to mention the best prices around!

Good work taking responsibility for your actions!

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