Family Planning Association of Maine : Ask the Counselor

I had been treated with antibiotics for chlamydia with my girlfriend and after a week the symptoms improved but I thought I was still getting a discharge. I was told to wait a few more days. I have now been re-tested and am completing my antibiotics dose but since then my girlfriend has given me oral sex twice (she is being treated after a pending doctors appt) will this make it come back in myself?

Chlamydia survives less often in the oral cavity - however you should use condoms or stop having oral sex until you BOTH have finished your courses of antibiotics.

I have been off of the Depo shot for almost a year, I was on it for 6 or 9 months (I'm not exactly sure but no more than 9) but it will be year in about a month.

Almost 2 years ago I had Chlamydia (I was 14) which I heard can cause infertility. I was hospitalized because of my white blood cells and I had really bad pain in my lower stomach. They gave me medicine to clear it all up.

I am still with my fiance who had chlamydia at the same time that I did and he got treated for it as well. After I had chlamydia I went to get a pap smear done and it came back abnormal with pre-cancer cells and I got them frozen off.

I have had several paps done since then and everything has been fine, also STD tests and everything has been fine. Me and my fiance have recently decided that we want to start trying for our first baby (I am 16, we are getting married in 4 months), but I am scared that I will not be able to get pregnant since I had chlamydia.

I will not have been off of the Depo shot for a year until next month, but are there any tests that a doctor can do to test and see if I am still able to get pregnant? Me and my fiance are worried because we really want to be able to have children. Thanks.

You're right--serious chlamydia (also known as pelvic inflammatory disease) can cause infertility. The infection can cause scarring that makes it hard for a woman to become pregnant. The good news is that you've done everything right. You were treated properly, and your partner was treated, and you've had follow-up checks.

The abnormal cells on your cervix (the ones that were frozen off--a treatment known as cryotherapy) will not cause infertility. Again, you've done a great job getting the follow-up you need to stay healthy.

As you note, the shot (Depo) stays in your body for a long time. Most women begin to have regular periods from six to twelve months AFTER they get their last shot. A few women get pregnant only a few months after their last Depo, and a few women remain infertile until 18 months after they stop the shot.

You've been doing a great job looking after your health. Even though you're eager to have children now, you're more likely to have a healthier pregnancy and a healthier baby if you wait a few more years before you start trying. As a very young mom, you'll be at increased risk for complications of pregnancy such as high blood pressure and premature birth or a too-small baby. Waiting until you have finished growing and developing makes good health sense for you and your baby-to-be.

When you do decide it's the right time, remember that it takes an average of ONE YEAR of sex without birth control for two perfectly healthy, fertile people to become pregnant.

What can you do in during the wait to increase your chances for a healthy pregnancy?

After, after a full year of trying, you do not become pregnant, there are a number of tests that can be done, everything from testing your fiancee's sperm to looking at your uterus and tubes to make sure they haven't been scarred by chlamydia. These tests are expensive, though, and are not recommended for women your age until you've tried to get pregnant for a least a year.

I am male and recently had sex with a girl having her period. I started having sensation of incomplete urination and later discovered that some blood along with blood clots are coming out from my penis. The partner with whom I had sex does not have HIV. Please suggest.

Any time a person has unprotected sexual activity with anyone, there is risk for a sexually transmitted infection. You need to see a health care provider NOW to be tested. For a man, this can include a painless urine test. I cannot speak to blood from your penis, this should be assessed by a health care provider. Ask specifically about HIV at your visit. Good luck, don't wait; you'll feel better after talking to someone who knows.

Is it true that if a guy doesn't wash his hands before he fingers you that he could give you herpes? And what if he cuts you (accidentally with his fingernail).. what happens?

Hi. Thanks for writing in. Herpes is a virus that is passed from one person to another by skin to skin contact. Because herpes is passed from skin to skin, it is one of the few Sexually Transmitted Infections that is not necessarily prevented by using condoms - a person is only protected for the areas covered by the condom. (If a person had sores on their thighs, for example, and touched someone else's thighs, then the virus could be passed.)

So, if someone were to touch a herpes sore and then touch someone else, the virus could be passed that way. If a person does not have herpes or has not touched herpes, there is no virus to be passed to someone else.

That said, I think it is also to point out that it is a really good idea for a person to wash their hands before putting their fingers into another person's body- our hands come in contact with so many germs all of the time.

Another option would be to have your partner wear a latex glove or finger cots (they look like little condoms that are put on the fingers). These would create a barrier between whatever might be on their hand/fingers and your body, which would protect you (it would also prevent your body fluid from getting on them, which can be safer for them as well).

It is possible to get cut when you are getting penetrated by someone's fingers. The lining of the vagina and the rectum are sensitive tissues that can get microscopic cuts from someone's fingernails. Cuts in these body tissues create an open area for bacteria, viruses and other germs to enter the body.

It is important to be aware of what condition a persons hands are in. If you are getting cut, it might be a good idea to ask your partner to cut their fingernails and make sure that they are filed/have no sharp edges. Also, using extra lubrication (water or silicone based) can help make it less likely that you will be irritated/cut from your partners fingers.

I had unprotected sexual intercourse a little over a month ago and have received oral sex from a couple different partners. I feel a stingy sensation when I urinate but there have been no signs of discharge.

I went to my family doctor and requested I be tested for all STD's. He told me that to be tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia he must insert a cotton swab inside my urethra. I did not feel comfortable with this so I did not get tested, is there any other way to test for those particular STD's without having to insert a cotton swab in my urethra, and if not, how far would they need to insert it?

Also, I developed a bacterial infection on my tonsils in which i was prescribed antibiotics for. I was wondering if the antibiotics"Zithromax" 250 mg and MethylPREDNISolone" 4 mg will not only cure my throat but any other bacterial infection such as gonorrhea and/or chlamydia?

Hi. Thanks for writing in. First, I want to say that you did the right thing by going to your doctor's office to get tested for STI's when you first started noticing symptoms. Your doctor wanted to do a urethral swab, which is a common way to test for infections such as gonorrhea and Chlamydia.

However, it is not the ONLY way to do so. A urine sample can be used just as effectively to diagnose both of these infections. If your doctor's office will not do a urine test, your local Family Planning or Planned Parenthood clinic can.

You have been given two medications for your throat infection. Zithromax IS an antibiotic and one that is often used to treat gonorrhea and Chlamydia. HOWEVER, the dose that you have been given is not enough to treat either of those infections (if you should have one). It is possible that the small amount of Zithromax will make you feel better without really treating the infection. If this does happen, the infection could get worse and might also become harder to treat.

Given all of this information, I would strongly recommend that you get tested for gonorrhea and Chlamydia as soon as possible (so that you can receive full treatment sooner rather than later). Until you know the results of that test, it is a good idea to not engage in any type of sexual behaviors (oral, vaginal or anal sex) that might transmit the infection to another person.

In the future, using condoms/other barriers for every type of sexual activity can reduce the likelihood that you will get some sexually transmitted infections. Most Family Planning or Planned Parenthood Clinics can provide you with condoms for a small fee. Take Care.

I have had a strong fishy odor several times after having intercourse with my fiance. I have also experienced burning urination sensations and some itching. I have gone to my healthcare provider three times about this and they never find anything wrong with me. Is it possible that my fiance has the infection rather than me? He is not circumcised. Could this increase the possibility of him having an infection?

Your symptoms sound like an imbalance called Bacterial Vaginosis. Symptoms are fishy odor after intercourse, itching, and irritation. Men are not thought to get this. I would advise asking your health care provider to look under the microscope to check for this. Occasionally, even though men are not thought to have this condition, when a women gets it frequently, I might consider treating the male partner with antibiotics as well. Good Luck

My boyfriend and I had sex a couple of months ago and he only had his penis in for about 5 minutes. I was wondering if I could still get an STD from that?

Yes, if he is infected, you can get an STD from that. Use condoms to help protect yourself, but before you even consider having sex with someone, you should make sure you are both free of diseases. Please see your local family planning clinic - they will be a great help to you.

I have lately been trying to get pregnant after being on the Depo shot for a little less than one year. About a year and a half ago I found out that I had chlamydia and it was an advanced case and I got it treated with antibiotics.

Then I had an abnormal pap smear, and had to have the pre-cancer cells frozen off. I have had about 2 pap smears done since then and everything has been fine (one was about 3 months ago) but I haven't asked yet if I am able to get pregnant. I just decided that I would try about 2 1/2 months ago. What I want to know is, will I be able to pregnant after all that? I'm worried.

Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to that question. After using Depo Provera, it can be 18 months before menstrual periods return, so fertility could be delayed for up to that long.

Chlamydia, if left untreated, may cause scarring of the fallopian tubes, this impacting your fertility. But this does not always occur. You did not say how old you were, but if you do not get pregnant after six months of trying, you could consult with a gynecologist who would discuss options for looking into your fertility status. Good Luck.

What are signs of UTI (urinary tract infection)? It feels like it's a small ball in my pee hole and puss came out before and I'm a girl.

Urinary track infections symptoms include a feeling on needing to go to the bathroom all the time and there is not relief when you go. You make have a burning sensation when you go and you may see a little blood in your urine. Medical attention is needed to clear it up.

What if you have a discharge with no irritation or burning but it has a odor is it an STD?

The best way to tell if you have a sexually transmitted infection is to visit your local family planning center or provider and have some tests done. While some people experience symptoms of an infection, like discharge, burning, or itching in the genital area, other people can have no symptoms at all. Odors can be caused by different things (for example, some women get a different odor when they are menstruating), and do not mean you have an STD.

What does it mean if you have a discharge every day that just started, but haven't had sex in over a year?

Discharge with odor, itching or irritation is generally associated with an infection. Vaginal infections can occur without any relationship to sexual activity. Please see your health care provider or family planning to get an appointment.

I'm a 14 year old guy, will be 15 in May. I'm almost positive that I have HPV, and I've done some research on it. I would have had it since I was 12 years old as that's when the symptoms started. I match up with the symptoms, and I know none the less I should visit a doctor.

What I'm confused about and frankly bothered about is the causes for HPV. One of the causes would be sexual contact of course. I've never had sex. My mother does not have HPV (I am only assuming as she has never told me, but has told me over other things in that area so I see no reason why she would have not told me) so I could not have gotten it from birth. I have not had warts (of any sort)) on my hands for years so I couldn't have given it to myself.

Now, the reason why I worry to have this checked out by a doctor is because the last remaining option (for a child) would be sexual abuse. And, I know my father has HPV. I also know he has never sexually abused me (I know that may sound ignorant, but it is none the less true. My mother would never allow it. It is hard to explain, I just know.) Besides that thought just plain disturbing me, my father is going through enough as it is financially, as he is in need of another vehicle and is facing a surgery that would lay him off of work for several weeks.

If I were to have this assessed by a doctor and it is confirmed to be HPV, I do not want to put my father through anything more than he is already going through. I really am at a loss here, and it is more for the causes than it is for actually possibly having HPV. I am still hoping that they, of course, are just some other form of wart, but it seems more than coincidental for the places they are appearing, their appearance, etc. Any advice for a kid who cares deeply about his father and doesn't want him being put through possible blame for this?

Whoa - slow down - you are WAY ahead of yourself and making a lot of assumptions when you don't even have a diagnosis yet. You absolutely have to get an examination. Go to your local family planning center - they will do confidential testing for you. Explain to them your symptoms and what you have learned. Let them diagnose you. Consider these points:

1. You have not been diagnosed by a healthcare professional, so you are assuming you have HPV. It is commendable that you are doing research on your own, and perhaps you are correct, but please get examined first.

2. You do not know that your mother does not have HPV. If your father does, there is a good chance your mother does as well.

3. There are other ways besides sexual contact where HPV can be transmitted. Read this excerpt from an article on Medscape's website:

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"Mode of Transmission of HPV"

"Studies indicate that in adults, genital HPV infections are primarily sexually transmitted (Gutman, Herman-Giddens, & Phelps, 1993; Stevens-Simon, Nelligan, Breese, Jenny, & Douglas, 2000). In children, the mode of transmission of HPV infection is not as straightforward. Sexual transmission is recognized as a possibility in children, but other possible modes of transmission have been documented (Adams, 2001; de Jesus et al., 2003; Hadlich & Kohl, 1998).

Vertical transmission of the HPV virus from infected mother to her infant can occur (de Jesus et al., 2003; Frazier, 1998; Hadlich & Kohl, 1998). Adams' (2001) classification scale for evaluating medical findings of suspected sexual abuse lists ano-genital warts/condyloma in a child younger than 2 years of age as a nonspecific finding for sexual abuse—perinatal transmission must be considered. Vertical transmission can occur through the bloodstream prior to birth, or at the time of birth, as the infant passes through the infected birth canal (Frazier, 1998). Delivery via caesarean section does not eliminate the possibility of vertical transmission of HPV; there are reports of congenital condyloma after caesarean section without premature rupture of membranes (Syrjanen & Puranen, 2000). Syrjanen and Puranen state that HPV transmission can occur in utero through semen, ascending infection from the mother's genital tract, or transplacentally. Vertical transmission of the HPV virus does not mean that warts must be present at birth or shortly after birth. HPV is a latent virus and can reside in the skin and mucous membranes without causing warts. The warts may not appear until months or even years after birth (Frazier).

It is important to understand that the absence of visible ano-genital warts in the mother during pregnancy does not eliminate the possibility of vertical transmission to the child (Frazier, 1998). HPV can cause subclinical infection, meaning the virus can be present on the cervix or in the vagina without causing warts (Frazier).

Ano-genital warts (HPV) also can be transmitted via autoinoculation (Cohen, 1997; Syrjanen & Puranen, 2000). Children with a common wart on their hands or elsewhere on their body can transmit the virus by touching their warts and then touching their own genitals.

HPV can be transmitted nonsexually from direct contact with caretaker contaminated with genital HPV or common warts (Cohen, 1997; Syrjanen & Puranen, 2000). For example, caretakers with genital warts who touch or scratch their genitals and then without washing their hands change a baby's diaper or assist a child with toileting/bathing may transmit the virus to the child's genitals. A caretaker with common warts of the hands could transmit HPV in the same manner. HPV transmission via contact with contaminated objects or surfaces is possible (Syrjanen & Puranen). Evidence exists that HPV can be transmitted on small water droplets called foamites (Frazier, 1998). Foamites have been found in the underwear of people with HPV, and Savin (2001) proposes that foamites may be a source of initial infection or reinfection with HPV. Re-innoculation may occur in people who do not change their underwear frequently (Savin).

Sexual abuse must never be eliminated when considering possible modes of transmission for ano-genital HPV. Many forms of sexual abuse can result in transmission of HPV, including genital-genital contact, genital-anal contact, oral-genital contact, fondling, and digital anal/genital penetration."

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Please see a healthcare provider as soon as possible and find out exactly what you have. If it is HPV, they can help you understand it better and give you medications to help control it. Good luck and take care.

I've never had sex before and I've received oral only twice by two different guys, one being over a year ago. But about 2 weeks ago I noticed a small bump around the outside of the vagina region. I'm scared that this could be an STD, is it possible?

Before you scare yourself, go see family planning and find out what it is. There is really no way we can tell you through this forum - you need to have it checked out. Since you are sexually active (yes, oral sex IS sex), then you should be seeing family planning on a regular basis (or your health care provider).

I get a blister on and off for awhile now since 2002 or 2003 and I get it on my lip. I started getting it when I dated a guy for a few months. Could he have given me something?

It is possible. It could be Herpes Simplex 1, which generally appears on the lips. However, I cannot diagnose it without testing it and you should not take this as a diagnosis by any means. The next time you have the blister, go see your provider or family planning. Go when the blister first appears and they can test it and treat you accordingly.

My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex, when I had thoroughly wiped my penis, the foreskin, EVRYTHING before entering her for about 5 seconds. After 2 days, we had a rough session of sex with a condom. It was the 1st time for her. She has been, since then, complaing of a slight abdominal pain that recurs now and then. Is she pregnant or has she contracted STDs?

These are not typical symptoms for pregnancy. Please suggest she see her health care provider. Sometimes women can experience a urinary tract infection after intercourse.

Just because HPV can be a cause for Dysplasia, does that mean it is the ONLY cause for it? Does it mean I have genital warts?

90 to 95% of papsmears with dysplasia are caused by exposure to HPV. If you have been diagnosed with dysplasia that doesn't mean you will automatically get external genital warts, but it does mean that there is a STRONG possibility that you have been exposed to HPV. This is as much information as we can give without an examination. See your provider or family planning to determine exactly what you have.

The general belief is that Cervical Dysplasia is caused by a virus that is transmitted sexually. HPV, the virus, is very common and most women will be exposed to it through sexual intercourse. An excellent web site that talks about HPV is the American Social Health Association.

I have an uncircumcised penis. My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex during which my foreskin was pushed back uncomfortably. This resulted in a slight bleeding around the foreskin. Have I or my girlfriend contracted any STD's? Both of us are perfectly healthy in all respects?

An STD is an unlikely cause of your discomfort and slight bleeding with intercourse. You may wish to see your health care provider to make sure you do not have some other kind of infection. If you are both sexually active and have not had exams, then you would be doing each other a favor by both getting checked.

I already know that you can contract an STD from giving or receiving oral sex, but I was just wondering how common it is to contract an STD from giving oral sex? Is it very common?

Testing the mouth/throat for STD's is somewhat difficult so we do not have data for how common transmission is for an STD. We do know if you are giving oral sex and the partner has sores on his/her genital area than you are at risk for a number of STD's. To protect yourself, always use a barrier. There are male and female condoms as well as dental dams available at your local family planning center.

I have had unprotected sex before. Not too long ago, I was what you would call "date raped." I have this bump on my vulva and it is a little sore and I think there are smaller bumps near the area. They don't hurt; the bigger one looks like it might be a boil but I have no clue. I have bumps on the back of my tongue as well. Could this be genital warts or herpes? If so, can they be removed and stopped from coming back?

You should report this incident to the police or call the Sexual Assault Hotline for help. That number is 1-800-871-7741 (Maine only) or the national line, if you are not in Maine, is 1-800-656-HOPE. Visit their website.

I can't diagnose the bumps without seeing them. They absolutely must be seen and evaluated by a qualified health professional. Please see your health care provider or call family planning for an appointment. Take care and do what you need to do to take care of yourself, both emotionally and physically.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about 3 months now...but I have this little bump about the size of a zit on the outside of my anal opening, but I don't know if it is a zit or an STD. I'm sure he's clean and if he wasn't then wouldn't I develop something before now?

Please see your health care provider or make an appointment at your local family planning center for an evaluation. This bump needs to be evaluated to determine what it is. STD's can present themselves anytime after sex -- even up to three months later.

I had oral sex with this guy about 3 days ago. Shortly after I noticed a burning when I would urinate. Is it just a urinary tract infection..or worse?

If you received oral sex and were not using any protection (such as a dental dam), sometimes the saliva can cause an infection (if you have him gargle with mouthwash first, it can help avoid this). However, your symptoms can mean a urinary tract infection, but without examining you, there is no way I can diagnose you. PLEASE go to your local family planning center or health care provider and get attention immediately. Take care.

I am scared there is something wrong with me. I had sex without a condom with a friend of mine. He told me that he was clean, and that it was ok. I have been on the Ortho Tri-cycle for over a year so I wasn't worried about getting pregnant. But, now, there is a strong stinky vaginal odor. And it itches down there quite a bit. Could this be an STD? Thank you.

Maybe. Vaginal discharge and odor can be the symptoms of a number of vaginal infections. Please see your health provider or call family planning for an appointment. Also, you should tell you partner about your symptoms so he can be checked as well. Please do this as soon as possible.

I have never had sex but I have had oral sex and everything else. Recently when I went to the bathroom I noticed that it burned and there was a little blood. Did my cherry get popped or am I in danger of having an STD even though I've never had sex and have been doing sexual things for like 2 months now and it just started. Please help me, I am only 16 years old and I'm scared to tell anyone, PLEASE give me your help first!

Your symptoms suggest a possible bladder infection. They are common among women. Please seek medical attention. Bladder infection are, in general, not related to sexual activity. You can go to your local health care provider or your local family planning office for help with this. Take care.

I've been scared because lately when I go restroom and clean myself I find that this white sometimes yellow liquid comes out. I went into this site about infections and found a description related to it and it says it might be a yeast infection. I'm 16 years old and really scared that it's something that I might have gotten from sexual contact. To be honest it sometimes hurts and burns when I have sex. I'm really scared and don't have anyone to turn to because I'm embarrassed.

What can I do - my parents don't know I'm having sex and I don't want them to find out? I've only been with one guy and he's only been with me. He told me that once when we finished having sex he noticed that on his penis he had some weird looking with liquid like snot and he asked what it was. I got really scared and I want to know if he can get infected. I'm from San Antonio Texas and would like to know what clinics I can go to. I'm really scared I hope you can help. Thank you.

Stop having sex until this is cleared up. What you describe could be a number of things, including a yeast infection. Since you are now sexually active, a visit to your local family planning (or Planned Parenthood) clinic is in order! Don't be scared - as soon as your first appointment is in progress, you will say to yourself, "What was I so afraid of????" First of all, you will be treated with respect and all of your questions will be answered. Secondly, your visit is CONFIDENTIAL. Third, payment options will be discussed if you don't have any or much money. There is no need to be embarrassed at a family planning clinic - they have heard it every question under the sun. They mainly see teens just like you.

You really need an examination - don't let symptoms like this go untreated as they could lead to very serious problems (which your parents would have to find out about). Chances are this is a highly treatable and fairly minor infection if you take care of it now - but you won't know until you go have an examination. The best place for you to go right now is your local family planning clinic. Don't delay - call them now.

I think I may have an STD and I am planning on going to get tested ASAP. My only question is the fact that if I do have an STD I don't want my parents to know, but I am afraid they may find out if I need medication because I am still on their insurance policy, so how can I keep them from knowing?

You're on the right track -- get checked immediately! Sexually Transmitted Diseases are not anything to mess around with -- you need to go as soon as possible.

Your parents will only find out if you use their insurance plan to pay for the visit. By law, the insurance company must send the subscriber an EOB -- Explanation Of Benefits -- whenever someone on their plan uses coverage.

To avoid that, you will have to pay cash for the services. STD clinics (if you're in Maine they are in Auburn, Portland, and Bangor) charge a very low visit fee which usually includes tests and possibly medication.

Family planning clinics often charge on a "sliding fee scale" which is based on your personal income. The visit would be completely private without fear a parent would find out. You may be eligible to be seen and treated at the lowest fee scale. For some teens, certain testing and treatment may be free.

Don't let the issue of money keep you from seeking treatment! Payment programs can be worked out through the billing department of your local family planning clinic -- this is an important factor for you to know. They can work out a payment program that will accommodate your finances.

Your best bet: Call your local family planning clinic for more information. They can tell you where the closest STD clinic is, or they can arrange to see you. Make sure you tell them you are having symptoms and what they are. You can feel safe and comfortable going to family planning clinics and STD clinics. You will be treated with respect and kindness.

I've been really stupid and had unprotected sex with a guy. I'm not worried I'm pregnant as I am on the pill, but I think I may have caught an STD. Every morning when I go to the toilet it stings and feels as though I still need to go, when I can't. I've also noticed a pale brown discharge. I know I need to be seen about this, but I'm not sure where to go, I'm embarrassed about talking to anyone about it and will I have to be examined?

Your symptoms sound like you may have a urinary tract infection, but the discharge could mean you have a vaginal infection -- sometimes vaginal infections can feel like urinary tract infections. The only way to diagnose and treat this is for you to go see someone.

Please don't wait any longer. Your local family planning clinic is definitely the place to go. Look up "family planning" in your phone book and describe the symptoms above to them. If you live in Maine, simply call 1-877-326-2345 and you will automatically be connected to your nearest Family Planning Association of Maine contracted clinic (or go to our Maine clinics page).

Remember, all family planning clinic services are confidential. The nurses and counselors there have seen and heard it ALL (really, your story is mild compared to some of the stories they hear!). Trust me, you really don't need to be embarrassed. You are human and we all make mistakes. Once you get there and talk to someone you'll see how understanding they are and you'll feel loads better!

You need to be examined, but if you are on the pill, this probably isn't anything new for you -- usually to get a prescription to the pill, you have to have an examination. Don't mess with this kind of thing, call immediately. Untreated infections can lead to serious problems down the road, including infertility.

Get seen now about the symptoms you are having. As for STDs, tests for those are done two weeks after the sexual contact because that's how long it takes for some diseases to show up in the tests. But, don't wait two weeks to be seen for your current symptoms. Please call right away.

We received many questions about how old you have to be to move out, or "can I leave home and live with someone else," etc. and this is not our area of expertise. We aren't equipped to answer these questions.

Please read the answers below - contacting your local Human Services Department and/or talking to your high school Guidance Counselor or another trusted adult can help.

I am 19 years old, living for two years on my own and trying to go to college. How do I find out about Emancipation so I can fill out a Federal Financial Aid form without providing my parental information that I don't know and have no ability to find out?

First of all, if your parents are at all accessible, you may need to involve them. However, to find out for sure, you need to do some research. Start here:

1. Your best first option is the financial aid office at the college where you are applying. They encounter this sort of thing a lot - call and talk with them; even if they don't know the answer, they can give you options on where to find the information you need.

2. Get your phonebook out and look under the "STATE" listings for the human services department (replace "STATE" with your state's name). Call them and they can get you on the right track.

3. Many communities have very inexpensive or free legal services for low income people. Look up "legal services" in your yellow pages and see if your community offers this; if so, go and talk to a lawyer about this.

Chances are you may have to go before a judge and explain why you want emancipation, explain how you are supporting yourself, whether you finished high school, what the situation was between you and your parents, etc.

Hi, I live in Michigan for starters. I've become rather independent at least as a state of mind, and I'm 14 years old. This has become a problem between me and my mother (my father has no problems with it) as she keeps seeming to want to 'hang on' to my childhood. I see nothing wrong with her views on this personally, but I am not going to change myself for it.

The problem in the matter is that the more and more independent I become, the more my mother perceives it to be attitude and disrespect towards her as a mother (which it is not, I respect my mother a great deal) and it often ends up in very heated debates. The problem is in my search for independence, I have (to be frank) pissed her off so much that she is now threatening to send me to boot camp.

I don't often take it seriously, as for one we can't afford it, but is it even legal to send me to boot camp for no reason other than a assumed attitude (which once again is not my intention at all)? Or pre haps is it legal to do so without consent from both parents? To be honest, I do not want to go to boot camp for something that is mistaken disrespect. As far as I can explain it, she thinks that by me seeking independence it is not allowing her to do her job as a mother. So, can I be sent to boot camp for this? Help is very appreciated and thank you very much! P.S.: As a side note, I am in no way seeking emancipation; besides this issue, I love living with BOTH of my parents.

Your attitude is very normal for your age and it is very common for teenage girls to conflict with their mothers. And, yes, your parents can legally send you to a "boot camp" for teens, but you can change your reactions and behaviors to avoid this. Rather than focusing on the threat, try to change how you behave instead. I am not saying that you are completely in the wrong here, but that obviously there is some conflict and it does take more than one person to create a conflict, so you need to see that you do have a part in it.

Your best bet is to try talking or communicating with your mother in some way. Maybe consider showing this question to her - it might help her understand you better. Or, write her a letter telling her how you feel. That way you can say it just how you want without getting flustered or interrupted.

You can only alter YOUR reactions, and by doing that, it may change how she reacts to you. Try very hard to not be sarcastic and try leaving the room if she makes you angry, rather than fighting back. Look for alternate ways of reacting. It might help to remember, a lot of your reactions are due to the many physiological changes happening in your body and contributing to your greater feelings of independence and to your emotions. Yes, they are real and valid feelings, but they are exaggerated by your body's development.

Also, maybe consider asking her to do something with you once in a while - just you and her so you can get some mother-daughter bonding time. She's your mom, she loves you and it is going to be hard for her to let you grow up - give her time and be patient. When it seems too much for you, remember that she has helped make you the intelligent, loving girl you are today - give her credit for that. And know, too, that this shall pass and one day you will be great friends with her!

My mom and dad got a divorce about 2 weeks ago and my mom is 33 and she has been dating an 18 year old for about 3 weeks and he finally moved in with us. She left me and him home alone and he sexually harassed me touching me in private areas. I want to tell my mother but I'm afraid she won't believe me. Will she believe me and should I talk to the police about it?

Yes, you should tell your mother. What her boyfriend is doing is illegal and very wrong. If your mother does not believe you or does not take action, please talk to a trusted adult at school, such as your school nurse or counselor. You should also talk to the police as her boyfriend is breaking the law. You can also contact your state's Department of Human Services and ask them who you should talk to about this. This is very serious - do not delay taking action. Please take care of yourself.

I want to get emancipated, I have a place to go and I get paid $150 dollars every two weeks to go to school, and my step-dad is a registered sex offender - do you think I can get out if I try?

There are many issues to take into account here: Your age, the state you live in, are you being abused by either parent now? This is a very big decision and you should talk to a trusted adult about it. This is a very complicated question and you need to talk to a lawyer or counselor about these issues. Each state has it's own laws. Many states have organizations of lawyers who provide help free or at low cost to low-income people. Call your State's information number and inquire about this. Please consider talking to a trusted adult or counselor before you make any decisions.

I am 17 years old and am considering moving out. I will still live in my school district and do plan to finish high school and go on to a two year college to become a R.N. My question is can I legally move out without my parents' consent? And if so do I have to disclose to them where I will live?

These are difficult questions. Have you talked to your parents about this or to a trusted adult like a school counselor? If you are in danger at home (i.e. if there is physical, sexual, or emotional abuse), then you should be talking to someone about it - someone who can guide you. If that is not the case, perhaps your parents would agree to let you go live somewhere else.

Different states have different laws about teen rights. If you live in Maine, and are 16 or older, you can petition the District Court to live on your own. Another route may be for you to call the court and ask about "guardians ad litem," who are appointed in some situations to represent children. If you are from Maine, your best option, though, may be at www.helpmelaw.org.

Your questions all depend upon where you live. Call your local State Department of Human Services for more information. Good luck and congratulations on planning to become a nurse! It is a very honorable profession.

My father told me if I ever got pregnant as a teen he would send me to a group home until I gave birth than he would make me give it up. I was wondering, if I am 15 and get pregnant, and give birth at 16, and lived with my mom, and could financially support a baby, would it be my choice whether to keep it or not? Or could my father choose against my will to give it up for adoption?

The decision determining what you would do if you became pregnant is entirely up to you. A parent can not force you to keep the baby or make an adoption plan if you were to continue a pregnancy and give birth.

We hope that all teens look to parents and other adults for support and help with an unintended pregnancy. If you are in a confusing situation, where you are either pregnant or considering becoming pregnant at a very young age PLEASE talk to a trusted adult - preferably a parent - before you make any decisions. If you do not have one you can go to (like a school guidance counselor) you can always go to your local family planning clinic just to talk to a counselor. Take care.

I am 15 and 5 months pregnant. I was wondering about teen parent emancipation laws in Maine.

Please contact Maine's Department of Human services to start - they can at least send you in the right direction. Additionally, please talk to a trusted adult or a counselor to help you put some outside perspective on your situation. Take care and good luck.

I recently became involved with a guy who is 20 (I'm 16). I got mad at my mother and moved in with him and his parents. They are nicer to me. Do my parents have to give me child support since I am out on my own now? I might be pregnant and need the money. What about going to the doctors? Do my parents have to keep me on their insurance?

I am not sure of the answers to your questions. These answers may vary depending on what state you live in. There may also be an issue of your boyfriend being of an age where having had sex with you may legally be statuatory rape--again, it depends upon which state you live in. These questions are way out of our league on this website. Please talk to a trusted adult, your guidance counselor at school, or call your local Department of Human Services. They may be helpful to you. Good luck and take care.

if you are 16, can you stay overnight in a bed and breakfast with a member of the opposite sex the same age?

This depends upon where you live and what the laws are in your state. I would discuss this with your parents. My initial reaction is that you are too young and that most owners of B&Bs would not permit it. Please consider talking to your parents or a trusted adult about this.

I have a problem: I don't want to live with my mother anymore because her alcoholic boyfriend is moving back in and we do not get along. Is it possible to live with a grandparent in another state? I have a grandmother who really isn't my grandmother at all, but by marriage and divorce. I want to live with her. Is there a temporary custody court paper that both my mother and grandparent can sign so it's not kidnapping?

You are asking a question that is out of our area of expertise. My recommendation is to talk to both your mother and your grandmother to see if they agree with this arrangement; then you most likely won't need to deal with the legal side of things. Or, you can call your local Department of Human Services office and talk to someone in the Child Protective department. DHS is listed in your phone book (look under "STATE NAME, Department of Human Services). Also, see the answer to the question below titled, "Teen rights...divorce." Good Luck.

I was wondering...in a divorce...what's the legal age for a teen to be able to decide where he or she wants to live? My parents are divorced and I really don't like living with my mother..I'd prefer to live with my father..my mom says that the age is 18, but I've heard other places that it's somewhere around 14 or 16. Please please, help me out. I'd really appreciate it..thanks bunches!

Without knowing what state you are from, it is hard to answer this question. Different states have different laws about teen rights. If you live in Maine, and are 16 or older, you can petition the District Court to live on your own; after that, certainly, you could live with the parent of your choice. Another route may be for you to call the court and ask about "guardians ad litem," who are appointed in some situations to represent children. If you are from Maine, your best option, though, may be at www.helpmelaw.org.

If you live in another state, go to your state's website. All states have almost the same web address. This is Maine's: www.state.me.us - if you don't live in Maine, simply type in your state's two-letter abbreviation in place of the "me" in that address. Another possibility is contacting your state's Probate Court, a number most likely found on your state's website.

Q&A: STIs - Teen Rights

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