Q&A: Other Issues

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OTHER ISSUES

Girlfriend pregnant

My girlfriend moved in and 8 weeks to the day she tells me she is pregnant. She kept the pregnancy from me for 2 weeks, knowing I would be upset we both had unprotected sex. She already has a 5 yr old daughter with many health problems one being ADHD, and has some extreme behavioral problems. This child also has a heart problem that needs to be treated in Portland.

She insists on keeping this pregnancy in spite of all the health issues I just mentioned, she refuses to listen to me and insists on having this child. I want her to have an abortion. She was homeless before I had her move in and now I feel she is using this pregnancy to secure herself a place to live. I'm being trapped into a situation that I don't want. I have asked her to talk to a counselor with me and she refuses to do that. Where do I go from here?

As you probably know, a woman's decision of what to do about a pregnancy is legally her decision, even though it affects other people too. So although you can't force her to do anything, you have the right to make sure she knows how you feel.

It does sound like talking to a counselor or doctor would be a good idea. If she is planning on continuing this pregnancy, she should have a prenatal appointment. If she continues the pregnancy and this is your baby, you are bound to her and the baby by paternal responsibilities, emotionally and financially.

However that doesn't require you to live together. You can talk with her about where she would live if it wasn't with you. There are public assistance places that can offer help, too. An important step for any pregnant woman to take is to look ahead in the future to realistically plan how this baby will be taken care of. An appointment at a family planning center might be a helpful next step to talk about all pregnancy options, and get the referrals to any other services she may need.

Don't rule out going to counseling by yourself - an objective counselor could help you deal with the situation.

Good luck.

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Am I still a virgin?

Am I a virgin still? I've decided to stay a virgin until I'm married, but one night my boyfriend and I became intimate one night and got carried away. Instead of sexual intercourse he fingered me. Does this mean I have broken the barriers of being a virgin?

A girl (or a boy!) who has never had penis-in-the-vagina sex is considered a virgin. The presence or absence of the hymen (the small ring of tissue just inside the vaginal opening, what you call the virginal barrier) is NOT an accurate indicator of whether or not a girl is a virgin.

The truth is that hymens are as individual as people. They can be thick and stiff and noticeable with first intercourse, or so thin and stretchy that they're completely undetectable. There can be one opening in the hymen or two or more. The hymen can be broken during vigorous exercise, during masturbation, or even with tampon use. Long and short: The lack of a hymen, or having a hymen that’s very thin and elastic, has nothing to do with whether or not a woman is a virgin.

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Metrogel

What happens if you have sex while taking Metrogel? I have recurrent BV and have abstained from sex for months, but recently had sex several times after using Metrogel for one night. I'm not afraid of infection from my partner because we are monogamous and both of our STD tests came back negative.

However, is there any risk of internal harm to me by having sex less than 24 hours after treating with Metrogel? Also, what are other treatment options besides Metrogel and Flagyl? I have taken both several times and the BV keeps coming back. Thank you for your help.

There is not a medical risk to you (or your partner) as a result of sexual intercourse 24 hours after using Metrogel. Flagyl and metrogel are the primary treatments for recurrent BV. There are options on timing of these treatments. Talk to your provider about your other choices. Good luck.

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Traveling, yeast infection, BTB

I am traveling throughout Asia; therefore it is difficult to contact a doctor or make an appointment with one. Before I left the states I was treated for a yeast infection with Diflucan. I had a normal period a couple of weeks later, then found I again had a yeast infection. I treated this with a Monistat one day treatment three days ago.

I am now experiencing some breakthrough bleeding (on Allese for three years, never had breakthrough bleeding before). I have not been sexually active in a month. Could the bleeding be connected to the one-day treatment? I understand it is quite a bit stronger in concentration than the other forms. What are your thoughts?

Do you have any insight or suggestions regarding making appointments or acquiring prescriptions while out of the country, in my case, in Japan at this time?

YEAST
One-day treatments are quite powerful, but the reaction to them is commonly local vaginal irritation—burning, itching, redness, and even swelling. Yeast treatments have not been associated with breakthrough bleeding.

BREAKTHROUGH BLEEDING
A number of factors can cause breakthrough bleeding (BTB). Taking pills on an irregular schedule (almost impossible to avoid while traveling the world!) can result in BTB. Changes in diet, changes in activity level, and increased stress, and TRAVEL are common causes of irregular bleeding patterns. If you are taking your pills regularly, the BTB is NOT an indication that the pills are not working.

Infections are a more serious cause of vaginal bleeds. Chances are you had an infection check when your yeast infection first occurred. If you did not, then a check by a provider would be a good idea.

Pregnancy is yet ANOTHER cause of vaginal bleeding. It should not be a concern if you were taking your pills regularly while you were sexually active. If, on the other hand, you were missing pills, you can do an over-the-counter pregnancy test to rule out pregnancy.

CHECKING FOR HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS WHILE TRAVELING
We always advise women who travel to make sure they have enough of their birth control method to last them through their trip. For problems that come up on the road, US Embassies are a great source of information. Most have lists of English-speaking providers. The web address for the Japanese Embassy is http://japan.usembassy.gov/t-main.html

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Heavy bleeding

I don't know if my girl is pregnant. We do have unprotected sex but she missed her period for 1 month then she started to bleed about 3 days ago today, she was bleeding heavily and a little round looking ball came out of her she said it was clear and she said before all that happened she was having cramps. I have no clue what to do, she's still bleeding a little please help me.

This bleeding may be a heavier than normal period or a miscarriage. If the bleeding continues and/or she develops pain or a fever, your girlfriend will need to seek medical attention.

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Rash on stomach

How come I get a rash under the fold of my stomach? I am overweight.

Rashes in areas where there are folds in the skin are common. You may wish to try antibacterial soaps and dry the areas well, then use a good body powder in the area - try Gold Bond Body Powder.

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Parents are worried about my eating

I am 15 years old, 5'10" and weigh about 150 pounds. I have been trying to tone my stomach, maybe even lose a little bit of chub around my waist, but every time my parents see me exercising or eating something low-fat they start preaching and lecturing me on how I'm not fat and how I will make myself unhealthy doing things like I am.

I'm still eating regular meals, and don't hardly exercise more than an hour a day. I also run to keep in shape for sports at my school. I try to explain to my parents that I'm just trying to stay in shape but they won't listen. They've even threatened to ground me if I don't stop. What can I say to them to make them understand that I don't think I'm fat?

It sounds like you have a pretty balanced view of your health and body. Most people have some area of their body that they'd like to improve. Just a reminder, though, that the tight, flat stomachs of models that you see in magazines, especially, are often those of teens with a specific body-type, and often airbrushed; and only in certain, flattering poses - not the normal, just-ate-a-meal chub that we all have when we're doing everyday activities.

It also sounds like your parents are concerned that you'll go overboard, probably because of all the hype in the media about eating disorders and teens with unhealthy body images. Know that their concern is a sign of their love for you.

I would recommend that both you and your parents get more information on what's healthy and normal for teen physical health so that you can look more objectively at where you fall within the range of normal. Talking to your school nurse, physical education teacher, or coach may be helpful as well. The non-biased information may help you and your parents come to an understanding you can all live with, instead of each of you repeating your case to the other.

Check out the link from our Teen Page to Medline - Teen Health for information on calculating your Body Mass Index, Healthy vs. Compulsive Exercise, and Balanced Eating.

Good luck!

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Thirsty

Hi, I’m a 16-year-old female and every few days I get these weird feelings that I’m constantly parched. No matter what I drink, or how much I drink of it, I can’t get rid of the thirst. It’ll usually push every other feeling out of the way as well. I’ll end up going the whole day without eating because all I want is to quench my thirst.

My grandma insists that it’s because I’m so addicted to soda and that my body rejects everything else until I satisfy my soda craving, but I keep thinking “please, it’s just soda, not alcohol!” but still. I’m really confused about this, could you please tell my what this is all about, and if my grandma is right? Thank you.

Constant thirst can be a symptom for many possible health conditions, including diabetes . Please see your pediatrician or health care provider AS SOON AS POSSIBLE to discuss this issue.

Soda is not a healthy way to hydrate your body. If it is regular soda (not diet), then you are also getting way too much sugar. Definitely get a checkup and tell your provider about these symptoms. In the meantime, stop drinking soda and start drinking water - you need half your body weight in ounces each day to maintain full hydration. For example, if you weigh 140 pounds, you need 70 ounces of water (NOT SODA) a day. And keep eating regular, healthy meals, staying away from too much salt and sugar.

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Hymenorrhaphy

What would you tell me about hymenorrhaphy?

This is an ethically controversial practice done mainly in other countries and is not recommended. To learn about it go here:

JME Online-Journal of Medical Ethics

If you have more questions, please talk to your provider.

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Is Xenadrine safe in pregnancy?

I am currently taking birth control pills and hope to get off of them in a couple of months. However, right now I am taking Xenadrine to help me lose some weight. Is is safe to be taking this knowing birth control pills are not 100% and that I want to become pregnant in the next few months. Should I stop taking this? Could this cause any birth defects?

It is great that you are thinking ahead about how best to prepare for a pregnancy. Given that you are planning a pregnancy in the near future, it is best to avoid diet products, alcohol, caffeine products (soda, coffee, etc) and any medications/drugs not prescribed by a health care provider. The one thing we do encourage is vitamins with folic acid. Any good one will do. Folic acid has been shown to help lower the risk of certain birth defects. Good luck and please feel free to talk with your local family planning center counselors and nurses about other issues.

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Dealing with abuse and harassment

My Dad has hit me in the past, when I was younger, and sexually harassed me. My brother has sexually abused me, and my mom is constantly verbally abusing me. I had an ex-boyfriend who was very abusive, and at one point, had been in juvenile. I've been suicidal for a little over a year, and have been seeing a counselor for merely a few months. She's great, but I don't feel that I'm getting the help that I need. The things at home are way too overwhelming, now that I'm in High School the harassment at school has kicked up a lot. My social life is going terrible, because a lot of things with my friends are going terrible in their lives. I need some help. I don't want to be at home, but I don't want to leave my friends at school. Please help! I need advice.

You have been through so much. I admire your strength. Please connect with a trusted adult in your life to seek support and help. One option is your school's guidance counselor who should be able to help you contact some services that can help. Ask your current counselor for additional help as well. Make sure you tell her everything and if you want out of your home, you need to tell her this as well and she should be able to help you. You also can call the local state Bureau of Health office to see what assistance they can provide. Please get additional help as soon as possible. Good luck and take care - you are stronger than you think and you can get through this. Please don't give up!

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Talking to my daughter

How do I approach my 15 year old daughter about having sex in my house and her lying to me after I have tried to get her to open up several times? She knows the consequences.

The research is consistent that teens do care what their parents think. Also, teens consistently say they want to know where their parents stand on issues of sex, drugs, etc. So, you are on the right track to keep talking to your daughter. Also, go here to read our FACTS Magazine for parents of 11-14 year olds. Additionally, if you contact us, we can send you the FACTS Magazine for parents of older teens. Good luck.

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Who do teens prefer to talk to?

Who are the teen's preference in confiding their problems and concerns? Is it their peers, parents etc.?

It depends, but most surveys suggest teens would prefer to talk about issues with parents or another trusted adult. The chances of getting accurate information are much better with an adult than with a peer.

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Anal Intercourse

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We are both 19. At this stage in our relationship we are beginning to experiment with anal stimulation. We have done research about the subject and just last week (after buying lubrication) he began to stimulate my anus with his fingers. I enjoy the feeling very much, but when he puts about half of his finger into my anus I begin to get uncomfortable and we stop. I understand that there are two sphincters in the rectum that may be making it hard for us to go farther than we have (they’re only used to letting things go out… not in). I have tried consciously relaxing my muscles, and we use plenty of lubrication. Is there anyway that I can make it easier for us to enjoy anal stimulation?

Anal intercourse, with or without a condom, is risky. Care must be taken as the rectum can easily be injured during anal intercourse. Please talk to your health care provider for a discussion regarding anal intercourse. There are a number of issues to consider. Below are some links that may help:

www.bettersex.com

www.teenwire.com

www.sexuality.org

www.iwannaknow.org

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Confused and Unsure of what to do

I am 18 years old, and just finishing High School. I work as a veterinary assistant and have plans to go to college, while continuing to work, to become a veterinarian. My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past 8 months, and are currently common-law with plans to marry in a few years. He has a stable job, which he's held for 3 years, and makes a comfortable monthly income.

Our problem is that I've been diagnosed with cancer, and it was strongly suggested that I have a hysterectomy as soon as possible. I feel very strongly about having children, while my boyfriend feels strongly about not having children. He had a hard childhood, with his mother beating him and his brother before finally leaving to protect her children from further abuse. He doesn't know why he doesn't want children, but I am inclined to assume that this may have something to do with his decision.

I've been told that the surgery can be put on hold if I'd like to conceive, but that it should be done as soon as possible. So my options are to get pregnant now, or to not get pregnant at all...and to find a different route to have children later. Adopting just isn't the same as having my own children, so this is a difficult decision for me. I have no idea where to begin even to find a solution that works for both me and my boyfriend. I'm in need of a little guidance and opinions from other people. I would appreciate getting an opinion from someone who's been in this situation before, or who has experience dealing with problems like this. I'm just not sure what to do. Any help you could provide would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

I'm sorry you are going through such a major ordeal at your young age. My first advice is that it sounds like it would be helpful to you to get another medical opinion about the cancer and your options. Ask your current doctor to send you for a second opinion. This is a very common request and most doctors are happy to arrange this for you. For something as serious as what you are going through, this is also highly recommended.

You may also benefit from counseling, especially given the difference of opinion between you and your boyfriend about wanting children. If he will agree, couples counseling may be a good idea. There may be options you are not aware of as well, so finding a professional to talk this out with is my advice. Most communities have counseling centers which often accept most insurances. Additionally, if money is an issue, many communities have counseling centers which charge only what you can afford.

A counseling center would also be a good resource for linking you with support groups. You can also go to the American Cancer Society web page and see what they have to offer. Contacting them could possibly link you up with others who have had similar situations. Check the phonebook, internet, or ask your doctor about support groups or counselors in your area that may help with these issues. You could also contact your local family planning clinic as they are an excellent referral source - over the phone, they could probably refer you to a counseling center or other group that might help you.

Good luck and please take care of yourself.

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My friend is engaging in risky behavior

I have a friend who I'm afraid might be having sex or is very interested in boys. She's 12 and her parents are divorced and remarried. Everyone is talking to her and trying to help her NOT be so "friendly", but it doesn't see to be working. She's hanging out with "losers" and is giving her mother's number (she lives with her dad) out to many, many boys.

How can we help her before she becomes another statistic?

Well your friend is lucky to have you as such a concerned friend, as well as the many other people that are also concerned for her.

Have you told your friend exactly what you are concerned about? It would probably help to talk with her honestly about what you see and how you feel. If she is having sex, she needs to know how to protect herself from pregnancy and disease.

You may also want to talk to another adult to get help. The more people that are aware of the situation, the less likely it is for her to do things that she's not allowed to be doing. Good people to try are parents (yours or hers), guidance counselor, teacher, school nurse, or any other trusted adult.

While it's good to try to help, know that you aren't responsible for your friend's behavior. So, try not to blame yourself if she still does things that you don't think are safe, especially if you have tried your best to help.

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Leaving home

I am a 14 year old mother and I want to live on my own. My mother doesn't let me make any decisions on my own and I can't do anything. She tries to tell me how to raise my daughter when I am doing a great job and she treats me really bad. I told her I want to leave and she told me if I left she would call the cops and have me put back in her house.

My daughter gets SSI and I would have a way to pay rent and to buy food and have a daycare for her when I go to school. I DO NOT want to go to a foster home and I have no family around here. So please give me some advice on how to get out of here. I can't take it anymore. Thanx.

Because you are still a minor, your mother is legally responsible for you, and if you are living with her you need to follow her rules.

However, if you are serious about wanting to leave, you could try to get emancipated, which is a legal definition of a minor who is not living under someone else's care. It's an involved legal process that is only completed for teens who are in special circumstances.

I would encourage you to talk to the person at SSI that has helped you with your daughter's benefits, as they might be able to connect you to the appropriate local resources. Another place to call in Maine would be Pine Tree Legal Assistance (207-622-4731), which provides free help with civil legal problems to many Maine residents. Other states have similar programs.

In the meantime, know that many teen parents who are living with their parents face similar issues that you described. It might help to talk to a guidance counselor, or find a support group with other teen parents. Calling your school or local hospital might be good places to start.

Good luck and take care.

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Finding a parent

I have been trying to find my dad. My mother will not give me leads on how I can find him. I know he lives in Maine, but I tried to find him but I don't know the city he lives in. What can I do to find him? Please help, I really want to know my real father.

A web search is always a good way to start. Go to www.google.com, and type the words "Maine birth parent search" in the Google search window. The State has a lot of resources also. Here is the website for the State of Maine:

State of Maine On Line

Additionally, we found this information:

"Maine has a mutual consent registry maintained by the State Registrar of Vital Statistics to facilitate contact between adoptees (age 18), adoptive parents of adoptees under age 18, and birth parents." For registry information, contact:

Maine State Adoption Reunion Registry
Division of Vital Records
221 State Street
Augusta, Maine 04333
Telephone: 207-289-3181

Good luck!

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Weight

I would like to know what the average weight is for a 5'6 ft girl at the age of 13.

Body weight is not just the number on the scale but also depends on your stature and the amount of muscle mass you have vs. fat. However, in general 130-150 pounds is average for someone 5'6". At your age, please be careful about embarking on any major weight loss regime without involving either a health care professional or a professional organization (such as Weight Watchers). They will advise you on the best size for your body plus teach you how to learn healthy eating habits.

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