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Q&A: First Time Sex - Income & InsuranceFREQUENTLY ASKED:Can I get pregnant the first time I have sex, especially if he didn't pop my cherry (break my hymen)?YES, you can still get pregnant if your hymen was not penetrated (hymen=cherry). You CAN GET PREGNANT ANY TIME YOU HAVE SEX WITHOUT PROTECTION, even if it's the very first time. ALWAYS USE CONTRACEPTION unless you are trying to get pregnant. To learn more about the hymen, see the "Female Anatomy" section, or type "Hymen" in the Google search bar to the left. QUESTIONS:Unprotected sex Me and my girlfriend last night had sex but at first used a condom but I did not come so I took it off. Later at night we got intimate and had unprotected sex maybe only about 5 thrusts and since I felt nothing i just stopped plus my girl said she was tired, but I got so worried because I heard of this pre cum thing and I am worried I could have made her pregnant . What are the chances of her getting pregnant? She had just had her period. Please help! If her period JUST ended, within the last day or two, the chances are fairly low. However, there is ALWAYS a chance when you do not use protection because, as you indicated, pre-ejaculate does have sperm in it. Given that you did not ejaculate inside her, again, that does lower your chances. She can take a pregnancy test or visit family planning. I would suggest you both visit family planning together and determine the best method of birth control so you can avoid all this worry! Penis injury I was having sex with my girlfriend and we've been having sex for the past month usually daily. During sex I felt something tear on my penis and it bled. It bled quite heavily and now when I observe my penis I see that the foreskin is torn. This is the only lover I've had. Is this normal? No, it is not normal, but it is not unusual. Without examining you, I can only guess: Perhaps it is because you need to use lubricants, such as KY Jelly or Astroglide. Or, it could be that there is not enough lubrication in your partner's vagina, which can mean she is not ready when you penetrate her - you need to have more foreplay until she is lubricated. Or, it could just be that you are having sex too often and need to cut back - in any case: DO NOT HAVE SEX UNTIL YOUR PENIS IS COMPLETELY HEALED. You and your partner should both visit family planning for exams and birth control (if you do not wish to become pregnant). Bleeding, skin flap Me and my boyfriend had sex, well the first time I bled a lot then the 2nd time I didn't bleed and the third time I bled so much more than the first time. Is that normal? Another thing is after the third time when I went to the bathroom there was this piece of skin that was hanging by my vaginal opening and it was bleeding and it's been almost a week and that skin is there. Is that my clit? It’s absolutely normal to have some bleeding the first few times you have sex. Why did you bleed the first and third time but not the second? Bleeding from first-time sex is usually the result of tearing the hymen, a thin tissue found just inside the vaginal opening. The hymen can be a ring of tissue, or a thin layer of tissue almost covering the vaginal opening. It can have one opening or many, and may be thick or thin, stretchy or stiff. Our guess is that you tore one part of the hymen the first time you had sex, and tore another part the third time you had sex. Even without examining you, we are just about 100% certain that the skin you’re seeing is a piece of the hymen. We ARE 100% certain that the skin is not your clit, also known as the clitoris. The clitoris is the small bump of super-sensitive tissue that sits above your vaginal opening; stimulation of this spot helps you have orgasms. What birth control should we use? Am going to marry my girlfriend and we never had sex before. For the first time I don't want to make her pregnant but I want to cum inside her and I don't to use any condoms all that. Can anyone tell me how we should proceed? Because its our first time...can anyone advise me please...should she take pills? if yes, when she should take them?? And for how long? Any time a couple has sexual intercourse, the female may become pregnant if no birth control is used and condoms are a good method of birth control. If you are not wanting to use them, she could consider starting on birth control pills. She would need to have an appointment at a family planning clinic or medical office to get these pills (much less expensive through family planning). She should be on them for several weeks before they are effective. It's great you are planning ahead and taking this responsibility. Good luck First time sex, now bleeding I'm 18 and I had sex for the first time last Saturday, after the first time me and my boyfriend waited for 2 hours and had sex again. The next day it was kind of uncomfortable, and when I used the bathroom, I would bleed, but the pain started to ease away. We had sex again on Thursday, and Friday. And now I am frequently using the bathroom, and bleeding every time I do so. It would be very important to see a medical provider as soon as possible to evaluate the reason for your symptoms. Onset of sexual intercourse is associated with urinary tract infections (bladder infections) and uterine cervix infections (chlamydia or gonorrhea) which, if left untreated, can make you very sick. Sometimes they require hospitalization. Please get checked and treated as soon as you can. It is also time to talk with a provider about contraception and/or your plans for childbearing. Am I still a virgin? Am I pregnant? Me and my boyfriend were getting intimate last night and we are both virgins, however he put his penis about 1.5 inches in me. I was in great pain every time he pushed in. We quickly stopped after about 5 min. He didn't ejaculate in me, but he might have pre-ejaculated. Is there a certain depth the penis has to enter to release sperm and fertilize a egg? I'm so scared and worried as I'm a virgin . Does this mean he broke my virginity even though I didn't bleed? It’s great that your boyfriend did not ejaculate inside of you, because depositing sperm even just a quarter of an inch or LESS inside the vagina could result in pregnancy. But you’re right—pre-ejaculatory fluid can contain a few sperm, and there is a slight risk of pregnancy with the sex play you describe. It’s important to use a condom or other method of birth control ANY TIME THE PENIS GOES INTO THE VAGINA. If your next period is late or unusually light, we would recommend taking an at-home pregnancy test. When you said "my virginity" above, you were referring to your hymen. The presence or absence of the hymen (the small ring of tissue just inside the vaginal opening) is NOT an accurate indicator of whether or not a girl is a virgin. The truth is that hymens are as individual as noses. They can be big or little, thick or thin, stretchy or stiff; there can be one opening in the hymen or two or more. The hymen can be broken during vigorous exercise, during masturbation, or even with tampon use. So the lack of a hymen, or having a hymen that’s very thin and elastic, does not mean that a woman is not a virgin. No bleeding My girl and I had sex for the first time and there was no sign of her bleeding. After an hour she told me that she had just bled. Can that happen? Many women do not have vaginal bleeding, even if they are virgins. Yes, it is possible to bleed an hour after intercourse. The bleeding should stop fairly soon, if it continues, she should see a health care provider. Excessive menstrual cycle Me (23) and my girlfriend (26) had sex for the first time sometime back. Both of us are...sorry, were virgins. She started to bleed and then it was fine after a while. Now when she got her cycle, she says that she is bleeding excessively and that she doesn't have much cramps, which I know is ok. I just wanted to know about the bleeding. One more thing, my foreskin is just too tight and its painful till the time, it rolls back up ...any suggestions? It is normal for a virginal woman to bleed with the first intercourse. Later, with her menstrual period, if she bleeds heavier than is normal for her, she should be checked both for STIs and also to have a general pelvic exam. Regarding the foreskin question, if there is discomfort you should be examined by a medical provider. Also, you did not mention birth control or protection from sexually transmitted infections. This can be done at a family planning clinic or your primary care provider. Good Luck. Hard to talk to BF about sex I’m 19 and living with my boyfriend. He’s been very patient with my feelings and moods and we have both just decided that we were ready to take the next step, this is my first time with any sexual encounter but he is, well, experienced. I really want us both to go in for a check up to make sure all is in order, but I’m worried he might take it the wrong way, am I just being paranoid? Also, I worry about bleeding. I’ve been told that you bleed your first time, but that it also isn’t exactly pleasant for the guy. I just worry a bit about how he feels, but he’s not the type to talk about it, actually he’s kind of keeping me in the dark about it. How should I go about this, especially without seeming so timid about everything? No you are not being paranoid! You are absolutely correct. Don't doubt that for a second! It's good thinking on your part to be so responsible about becoming sexually active. The fact that you said your boyfriend has already been patient leads me to believe that he would be just as understanding about the precautions you want to take before you start having sex. It's not being timid, it's being mature and responsible! It sounds like talking about his feelings doesn't come easily, but I would encourage you to let him know how important to you it is that the two of you talk about your concerns. You can tell him that because the TWO of you would be having sex, his feelings and thoughts are important for you to know about. Your idea of wanting to each get a check-up before having sex is a good one. Again - it sounds like he's already been a very patient and understanding guy, so it's unlikely that your suggestion would surprise him. The first thing you should do without hesitation is make an appointment at your local family planning office. Even if he won't go, you need to make sure YOU are sexually healthy BEFORE you begin to become sexually active. Also, you need to talk with them about the best method of birth control for you. When you go there, you will see a counselor before you have an examination. This counselor can answer all these questions, such as bleeding during your first time (it is common) and how to deal with it. Both of you should be involved in your sexual relationship. At family planning, if you like, both of you can talk to the counselor. BOTH of you should be examined - he can go to family planning, too. Since it is not his first time, and he is "experienced," then if he truly cares about you then he will prove to you that he is clean - some very dangerous sexually transmitted infections can be passed along with no symptoms, so you need to insist that he be examined also so he doesn't put you in potential danger (even if he insists he's clean because he has used condoms - he still needs to be checked). Do not have sex because you feel pressured - it has to be the right thing for you. Only you know, deep down, if this is where you want the relationship to go. Insist that he be checked out and don't worry about saying it right or about him taking it the wrong way - simply show him this answer. If he truly cares about you and loves you, then he will take care of himself as well. You absolutely need to learn how to discuss these things with your boyfriend - generally, if you are not mature enough to discuss these things, then perhaps you are not ready yet for a sexual relationship. A mature, loving relationship means that you can talk about everything, ESPECIALLY sex! It may be uncomfortable at first, but just keep talking and eventually it gets easy. The physical aspects of first intercourse vary from person. Some women have bleeding and/or discomfort, others don't. Just take it one step at a time, and stop of it's uncomfortable. Communication and patience are key in all of this! Take care of yourselves and be smart and safe. When is it safe? (NEVER without protection!) I want to get involved in sex practice with my partner; when should I start? Is it safe 10 days before her menstrual period or after it. Can she become pregnant if we have sex after a hot bath? Thanks for your responses in advance. Is there a birth control method she can adopt apart of the pill? It is very good that you are thinking ahead and concerned about unintentional pregnancy. To try to figure out what time is "safe" is very difficult - this is called the Rhythm Method and to use it properly, you have to keep charts on periods, ovulation, body temperature - it gets very complicated. So, NO time is absolutely safe without protection. Before you begin having sex, you must discuss protection. Condoms are a good start. Make sure you use them correctly - read this. YES you can absolutely get pregnant after a hot bath. You can get pregnant having sex in ANY position at any time of day, not matter where you are or what you are eating/drinking - do not buy into any fallacies - the hot bath is a big fallacy. We always recommend that you both go to your local family planning center and talk to them. They will help you find a method that is best for you. There are many besides the pill and they are worth learning about. Here's a start - read about birth control options - then call family planning! Good luck! No pleasure... Well my girlfriend is a virgin and I wanted to know if it is normal for her not to feel any sense of pleasure (she didn't feel anything) when I fingered her for the first time. I want to know if I did it wrong or if there is something wrong with her. Please tell me because my girlfriend is worried. Okay, first things first - make sure you are using a reliable form of birth control before you go any further (unless you want to get pregnant). No, nothing is wrong with her. With most women, inserting your finger in her vagina will not give her much pleasure as there really aren't many nerve endings in a woman's vagina. You need to explore her some more, very gently, in the areas outside her vagina, and have her show you where it feels good. Books like "Joy of Sex" can be invaluable in these situations. Most importantly is COMMUNICATION. Talk to each other - you need to show her what feels good for you and she needs to show you. Stay open minded and don't get upset or defensive - this is a time of exploration of each other's bodies and you can build some true intimacy during these times. Doesn't want to use condom Both the guy I like and I are virgins. He's told me that he's STD free and I believe him, and I am as well. That's not really the problem. I'm worried that when we do it that something might go wrong. I want to use condoms, but I also want to use the Pill. I want him to enjoy as much as I know I will. But, he wants to find a way for him to not use a condom. What do you think I should do? You are doing a great job at being so thoughtful about how you wish to experience you first intimate time with someone you really care about. Condom use is a fact of life and we always recommend using them. Try to make it fun. Get different colors and types to use. If he does not want to use them and you have no other protection, then do not have sex until you are protected from pregnancy. If you have not already, it is time for both of you to go to your local family planning clinic. Good luck. Urinate a lot after first time Is it normal to have to urinate a lot after the first time? Am I at greater risk the first time? Sexual intercourse can stimulate the bladder, so afterward many women do need to urinate. However, if you are experiencing burning or itching, please see your local health care provider or family planning center immediately. If you are sexually active and not on birth control, you must see a doctor or family planning center to make sure you stay healthy and use a reliable form of birth control. As far as your second question, I am not sure what you are asking. Do you mean at risk for pregnancy? If you had sex with no birth control you are at risk - it doesn't matter if it's the first time or tenth time. If you mean at risk for sexually transmitted infections (STI's), no, the first time the risk isn't any greater than any other time - but if you are sexually active, you MUST be examined for STI's before you engage in sexual intercourse with anybody and you should not have sex with anyone who has not also been checked for infections. Be very careful and take care of yourself. First time sex; am I pregnant? A week or so ago I had sex for the first time (not all it was cracked up to be either), Anyway, 2 days after I started feeling nauseous (we were talking about contraceptives in family life, I of course HAD to get male condoms as my example to talk about...which we did use). Well talking about that REALLY made me start worrying that I could be pregnant so I started to feel weird. After a day of nausea my breast started to hurt and I started cramping up (that would put us 3 days after the actual event). We used a condom (lubricated and everything, and it didn't break as far as either of us know), and it was 3 days after my last period, so it's highly unlikely i was ovulating...but what I want to know is: Is it possible to imagine some signs of pregnancy? Or are these signs sometimes after a period? I haven't had them for the past few days, but I also haven't been NEARLY as worried as I was last week. Some people have told me it's just nerves, but could this really just be in my head? Your symptoms are too early to be related to a pregnancy. They could indicate Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, but from your description, it is also too early for that. My best educated guess, without examining you, is that you could be experiencing signs of ovulation. The following observable symptoms can indicate ovulation: --Breast tenderness However, you are probably right in that your stress level and psychological state could have played a role in your symptoms. If you used a condom and it didn't break, then you are probably fine. If you have any more symptoms, please contact your local family planning center. Since you are now sexually active, it is time to begin to care for your reproductive health and have yearly exams. Take care. Discussing with Parent I just had sex for the first time. I'm 14. I promised my mom that before I had sex I would tell her to make an appointment and now that I already have - I'm scared to tell her. How can I tell her. I know she'll understand, I just don't know how to bring it up. It's great to hear that you have already had open discussions with your mom about sex. It sounds like she does indeed trust you and would be grateful if you talked to her about it. It also shows signs of maturity if you're able to discuss this with your mother. If starting a conversation is difficult, you could try writing what you want to tell her in a letter. That way you share what you need to, and she can read it while having the opportunity to think about what to say in response. Another thing to consider in order to make the conversation go as smoothly as possible are: find a good time and place to do it (this may seem obvious). Bring it up when you have some quiet time alone. You may want to talk about it while you're doing something else, like going for a walk or a drive, or working on an indoor project together. This way you can each use the activity as something else to focus on while you talk, as it can be a difficult conversation to have all by itself. Good luck, and remember: even though starting the conversation may be difficult, you'll both be glad you talked! Painful the first time Why does it hurt on your first time having sex? The first time a woman has vaginal intercourse does not have to be painful. The vaginal opening has rings of muscles around it and any women, regardless of the number of times she has had vaginal intercourse, can experience painful intercourse. The discomfort is due to these muscles contracting and making the vaginal opening smaller. Comfort with the partner, lubrication, fear of pregnancy or disease can all play a role in how much pleasure (or discomfort) one can experience with intercourse. Additionally, as with any new or first time experience there is anxiety or anticipation that can create discomfort anywhere in the body. In this instance, it is the vagina as it has not had the need to stretch to accommodate a penis before. It is important to be comfortable with the possibility of this happening so talking to your partner about this will help .Using a tampon during your periods will helpful, as it gives you a sense of what this may feel like. Often times if you can get an tampon in comfortably intercourse will be more comfortable too! Please contact your closest family planning site to talk more about this issue. It is a topic about which many patients have questions. Can I love someone of the same sex yet be straight? I am a young girl and I have just experienced oral sex for the second time. The first time I gave my long-term boyfriend oral sex, but a few days ago I also gave oral sex to my friend who is a girl. Does this make me a lesbian? I still want to continue my relationship with my boyfriend but I am scared he will find out and dump me, as we do all go to the same school. I love her but I am straight... is this possible? Many people who consider themselves to be straight have experimented sexually with others of the same sex. Yet these experiences don’t necessarily determine their sexual orientation. In fact it may be through these different experiences that people will “discover” their orientation. Some people know definitely that they are straight gay, lesbian, or bisexual; others may not discover their orientation for a while. Other people just plain don’t like labels. Now, the other part of your question has to do with honesty and trust. Have you and your boyfriend promised each other you wouldn’t be with anyone else sexually? If not, you may want to consider being honest with him that you’re not sure you’re ready to be in a committed relationship. These situations are hard to figure out so you may find it helpful to talk to a trusted person or write your thoughts in a journal. If you live in Maine you could go to an Outright meeting which is a youth group for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth and their friends, to come together and talk about life and issues of sexuality. Central Maine Outright’s number is 207-621-3785. They will be able to give you the number for the closest Outright near you. Am I a lesbian? When I masturbate I think about having sex with a girl and that's the only way I get an orgasm. I am a female. Does this make me a lesbian? Not necessarily. Fantasizing is very common during sexual activities and what you describe is normal and should not be the sole method for determining your sexual preference. Many other factors play into that determination. Here's a link that might help: www.puberty101.com Inability to reach an orgasm and homosexuality I am a young female that's currently in a relationship with another woman. We are both happy in our relationship, but I am struggling with a problem. I can't always reach an orgasm even though I am very sexually aroused. What should I do or how can I help my partner with this situation? Keep in mind that my partner has never had any experience with a serious relationship, a guy or a girl, and if that has anything to do with it. Or is there something else wrong besides the inexperience? It sounds as if inexperience is the biggest factor here. It takes time to really get to know another person's body - and the learning never stops. The key is talking to each other during intimate situations and educating yourselves about each other's bodies, as well as your own. Go to your local bookstore together and pick out some books. There are a number of books that may be helpful to you. An excellent author on this subject is Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. Check your area bookstore or amazon.com. How do two women have intercourse? Many people think of penile-vaginal intercourse as the only way to have "sex" or "intercourse". When the people involved are two women, they do other things with each other that involve physically stimulating their genitals as well as other parts of their bodies. For more detailed information, check out some of the websites linked to our Teen Page. Also look (on these websites) for recommended books on these topics. Am I gay? When I first saw this thing on TV it said that most people figure out they are gay when they are in the teens. Ever since then I have been afraid that I might be. The thing is, I have gone overboard. I know that I'm not. I have ALWAYS been crazy over boys and NEVER wanted to do anything with a girl (I am one). But I still am afraid that I will some day become one. I talked to my parents and for a while, and was positive that I wasn't, but I guess I am just too caught up into the feeling of that even though I might have never felt that I was, or am, still somehow might be one- is this true? Sexual orientation is a complex subject, especially if someone takes the time to really examine their own orientation, as it sounds like you have. There may be someone from a local group called Outright that would be helpful for you to talk to. Outright is an organization for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, and QUESTIONING Youth. They might be a good resource for you to personally connect with, or to just get more information on the subject. They may or may not be in the phone book. A guidance counselor might be able to connect you with your local Outright group. For the New England area, you can visit www.outrightla.org. Also, go to this national website for a lot of very good information on this topic: www.avert.org There is a range of ages when people "figure out" what their sexual orientation is. It can be a long process with a lot of issues to think about. It is normal to question your sexual orientation; many people do. It's good to hear that you felt you could talk to your parents about the topic. There are many feelings that someone may feel when they are thinking about their own sexual orientation -- fear being one of them. Some questions to ask yourself might be: Why am I afraid at the thought of being gay? What would be different about me? What would be the same? There might not be quick, black-and-white answers to these questions, but they're things to consider. What if I have insurance, but I have a very high deductible? At the Family Planning Association of Maine, we make every effort to keep our services affordable for everyone. We base all of our charges on a sliding fee scale using the household income of the client as a guideline. We also accept several insurance companies at our clinics. We bill the cost of most services to the insurance companies. If a service you receive is not covered by the insurance, our sliding fee scale is used to lower your cost to a reasonable fee. For example, if you have a high deductible on your insurance coverage, we can bill the services you received towards that deductible. If the insurance does not pay, then we can adjust the amount you owe using our sliding-fee scale based on your household income. Quite often this lowers the amount to a very affordable cost to you. This savings to you is possible because of other funding sources available to our organization. Free? If I don't have income or insurance do I get services for free? Also my friend makes $75 a week after taxes and she has no insurance and doesn't qualify for medicaid and I don't qualify for medicaid either. What would my friend be charged for services? All federally funded family planning clinics operate on a "sliding scale" fee basis, meaning that your income determines what you pay and if you have no income or insurance, then some, but not all, services are free. You will not be denied services - please call your local family planning center for more information. Can't afford to pay... I had a LEEP procedure done in March, but lost my Maine Care Insurance before I could go to my follow up appointment. I cannot afford to pay for the appointment, or my birth control, Ortho Tri-Cyclen. Any suggestions? Please seek care at your closest family planning office. Fees are based on your income and they offer a sliding fee scale. Low-income and pregnant I'm about 6 weeks pregnant now. I had planned to go to an online college during the 3 or 4 years I would be staying home with the baby. Well a couple of days ago, I looked at the college papers for the first time and you have to be 23 with at least 1 year experince. I don't know what to do now. I'm seveenteen and my boyfreind dosen't make enough money to support us. What do you suggest is the best thing to do? It sounds like you could benefit from talking with a family member or close friend to outline your options. One option you may consider is a local community college. Contact the admissions office and ask them about financial aid for young mothers. If there isn't one near you where you could attend classes, ask if they have an ITV program where you can go to classes in your town and view a closed-circuit TV of the classes. Plus, you can go to the high school you graduated from and talk with a Guidance Counselor - they often are aware of many programs that could possibly help you. Also, some states will pay for your college tuition through programs such as ASPIRE. Call your local Bureau of Human Services and inquire about college tuition programs that may be available for low-income young mothers. Additionally, there are many federal and state programs that will help you financially to help you find a place to live and feed you and your baby, such as the WIC program. Don't give up - you have an admirable goal to further your education. There is a way and if you search, you will find it! Good luck and take care. Do you have a discount price for low income women who need birth control pills? Because it is only my husband that is working right now. And we just moved to Bangor, Maine and I don't know the address or the telephone number of the family planning office to contact. All Maine Family Planning clinics operate on a sliding-fee basis, meaning that you are charged depending upon your income. To find out the number for the clinic in Bangor, Maine, please follow this link: Maine Family Planning Clinics. Look under Penquis Health Services and you will find their phone number. Call for an appointment and the will give you directions to their clinic. Good luck! |
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FAMILY PLANNING CENTERS These answers are not meant to diagnose...They are only meant to guide. If you have an emergency or a problem that is really bothering you, please talk to a trusted adult, your health care provider, or contact your local family planning center immediately! How we arrive at our answers...Our web questions are reviewed and answered by an experienced family planning counselor and/or nurse practitioner. Often, questions can have several possible answers, so it is always best to discuss concerns directly with a health care provider who is familiar with your personal health history. PLEASE NOTE: The Internet is a big place, full of information. You have to be careful about what you choose to believe. Sometimes you find conflicting information. If this happens to you in regard to one of our answers, please call your local family planning center or health care provider and talk to someone in person. |
